bigpimpinmba's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chikety China the Chinese Chicken When you�ve got nothing else to write about, go to the old stand-by� Poop. You get not just a potty-humor entry, you get a musical potty humor entry� Sung to the tune of �Move ya body� by Nina Sky� Oooooh, that Chinese Food�. Makes my tummy go Owwwhhhh, that Chinese Food�. Makes by bunghole go� Oooofffff, that Chinese Food�. Makes my colleagues to� Whew� that Chinese Food� To the bathroom go� Man, does Chinese food just taste awesome when you eat it or what? However, after eating it, I sometimes feel as though General Tsao has taken out his sword and is swiftly trying to find the quickest exit route through the leather cheerio. Ugh. Isn�t it enough that the Chinese are taking just about every manufacturing job we have left here in the United States? In addition to that insult, they tempt us with their delicious food, only to have it attempt to disembowel us by committing hari-kari somewhere in the lower-GI? (I know that I�m mixing Asian cultures here with the hari-kari reference) It always starts about an 1 1/2 to 2 hours after lunch when I have Chinese food� My bathroom escapade usually goes something like this� 1. Feel the General start to assemble his troops and begin the rapid march through the enemy territory of my upper intestine. 2. Look around the desk for something to read. I usually try to pick up something of redeeming value to read, like Chemical Week or something. I mean, I AM at work and getting paid, right? How irresponsible do you think I am? 3. Roll up reading material to fit into front pocket as well as can be managed. Since the binding on these magazines usually can�t be folded, I either have half of a magazine sticking out of my back pocket or if I have some pants with really deep pockets, I can fit the whole thing in my front pocket, but it jabs into my�. ummm� side-lap? Part of my front where my leg attaches to my torso? Why don�t I know the name of this area? It�s above and to the side of your� ummm� private parts. In case you haven�t realized by now, I�m a complete and utter idiot. I�m going to go ahead and name this area the Felthra for no other reason except I�m an idiot. 4. Leave my desk and try my best to slyly walk to the bathroom, but there is only so much you can do when you basically have to walk past everyone you work with on your way to the commode. Doesn�t help when my friend General Tsao is now drawing his sword and leading a full assault on my Lower Intestines and I�m doing the poop shuffle with a magazine binding jabbing me in the Felthra. VERY SLY. Nobody will know why I�m making an epileptic dash across the office. 5. Take care of business. 6. Walk out quietly under the cover of� Watching eyes and bright lights. There is no cover. Ugh. Staring bastards. I try to maintain a level of professionalism at my place of employ, since I work with a relatively stiff and professional bunch of people. But there is only so much you can do when these same people saw you enter the bathroom about � hour before you come out sweating like you just went a few rounds with Randy the Macho-Man Savage. They know what just happened and who did it. It probably doesn�t help that there are usually several flushing sounds between the time of entry and the time of exit. For all my attempts at discretion, I might as well walk out like I�m Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura. �WHEW!!! DO NOT GO IN THERE!!!� Unfortunately for my coworkers, we work in a pretty small office where the bathrooms are directly off of the offices and the fans are not the greatest in the bathrooms. Except for the spectacle I have to make of myself walking across the entire office to use the commode, I�m pretty glad that my desk is pretty far from le Toilette. I�m pretty happy that I don�t have to deal with the after-party and wafting delights that goes along with the Chinese kegger that just took place in there. As the Dead Milkmen said�. �These are a few of my many smells. Won�t you come and smell me? Won�t you share my stench?� Have a nice weekend! 5:03 p.m. - 2004-08-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||