bigpimpinmba's Diaryland Diary

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Yankees, Charlize and Diaperball

A giant, Nelson from the Simpson, �A-HA!� goes out to the Yankees and their fans. Maybe it�s a little immature, but it really felt good to watch A-Fraud and the rest of the Yanks roll over an play dead after choking on the three previous games. The only player I had a modicum of respect for was Jeter. That guy is awesome and deserves the accolades. The rest? Buh-bye.

Awwww. Poor Baby

It�s good to know that the Yankees get to feel what the rest of the league feels at some point every year. And they did it on the grandest stage of all� On their home field after being the only team in history to take a 3-0 lead and then have their opponent force a game 7, let alone blow the entire series.

Who sang the song �Take on Me�?

Oh yeah�..

A-HA!

God, I�m childish

I would love to have been a fly on the wall in George Steinbrenner�s box as the staff slowly started removing sharp objects in the third inning, so that the Boss could not hurt anyone or himself. I bet his head exploded like he was in Scanners. Awesome.

I promise that this isn�t turning into a running tribute to Yankees ineptitude or Sox greatness. This win just means too much to go without mention.

�.

We rented Monster this weekend. I didn�t realize that all you had to do to get an Oscar was to portray a serial killer as Fire Marshall Bill. I think Jim Carrey deserves a little credit for that Oscar by Charlize Theron.

I kept waiting for the �LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING!!!� moment. (Sorry about the crappy pics. These are the best I could find.)

I wish that they would have just gotten Jim Carrey for the part. It was just painful to know that they took a beautiful Charlize Theron and had her perform one of the unsexiest lesbian roles I�ve ever been privy to. Couldn�t they have at least let her look like herself for the make-out scenes? I�m sure nobody would object.

If this movie didn�t scare you away from going to a prostitute, I don�t know what would. I think it would scare me away from Charlize. Who knows? Maybe she REALLY looks like that without makeup. Maybe what you see on the red carpet is really the fake Charlize.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

�������..

I have some bad news.

This is it.

The end.

I�m retiring.

No farewell tour for me.

It�s over, Johnny.

I can never top my accomplishments of the past week again, so I�m hanging it up. Don�t try to stop me. There�s no talking me out of this.

I�m two for two and I need to go out on top.

If you thought that I was done writing on Diaryland, you should only be so lucky.

No. I�m talking about Diaperball.

Take a look at this picture. Take a long, hard look.

This is a picture of the vantage point from the spot where I change my son's diapers on the floor. You see that hole on top of the R2D2 looking thing? That�s where you stick your dirty diapers into the Diaper Champ�. Here�s a better look�

4 inches across. 13 feet away.

I�ve got one of these things on the right�

In case you can�t figure it out, the object on the left is a nice, clean diaper. The object on the right is a Diaperball, all wound up tight and full of pee.

I look like this�

I take a random shot from my knees and watch the wad of absorbant-material and pee flying and tumbling slowly through the air as the theme song from the Natural played in the background. Swoosh. Nothing but, ummm, Champ. First try� Right from where the picture above was taken.

I am telling you that this shot was more unlikely than Hoops hitting the shot at the end of One Crazy Summer.

Here is the picture of my sunk shot.

You may notice that there is very little room for error. And yet I sunk the shot on my first try. There is some sort of cosmic trophy waiting for me somewhere. I didn�t even dare try it again, at least not on that day.

Now get this�

Next changed diaper. Next day. Same spot.

Same shot.

Swoosh.

My wife�s jaw is on the floor. She can�t believe that her terribly mediocre husband could be so good at something. The trumpets sounded and I was already inducted into the Diaperball Hall of Fame in Camden, New Jersey. I didn�t even try another shot.

I�m done.

I�ve gone out like Elway.

On top.

I�d like to thank the fans for all of your support throughout my 2 day career. We�ve been through some hard times and some stank diapers, but we came out on top. A-Rod is crying in the corner as he missed 23 straight shots and tried to chop the Diaperball out of my hand.

My job is done.

3:14 p.m. - 2004-10-21

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