bigpimpinmba's Diaryland Diary
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Cheesy TV Alert
Cheesy TV Alert
I always end up sucked into these cheesy reality TV shows with my wife. Wednesday night? The premiere of the cheesiest of them all�
The Bachelor.
Go ahead. Groan. Tell me that I�ll never get the hours of my life back that I spend watching show like this. I know it. I say the same things. Rational thought seems to escape me when they put this sensationalist garbage on TV. I�m not really proud of it, but complete, mindless escapism, while being able to make serious fun of some social misfits just feels so right.
I never intend to become involved with these shows. On Wednesday, I sat in the family room with my wife, who loves her some Bachelor, doing some schoolwork on my laptop, intending to do nothing more than throw a random comment about the skanks that are competing to �win� the bachelor. But then the hilarity of the words being put forth by our desperate heroines sucked me in full-force.
Of all the reality shows on TV, the dating shows are by far the cheesiest. I mean, what are these girls really competing for?
I�m guessing that the thought process of the contestants has to go something like this, �Wow, if I just go on national television and (usually) make a complete ass out of myself, I get the chance compete to possibly get a ring, get separated from someone that I may or may not be in love with, and finally thrown back together to be scrutinized by the tabloids. Along the way, if I�m really lucky, I could end up being portrayed as a complete raving lunatic. This will certainly propel my professional career to another level. I can do all of this without any financial compensation, whether I win or lose. Sounds great. Where do I sign up?�
There is one reason that I can watch the Bachelor, but not the Bachelorette. The women.
I can�t really get into watching a bunch of horny guys competing with each other over one woman. Although it is kind of amusing to watch guys start getting pathetic and doing stupid guy things, they don�t get all fun and catty with each other in the entertaining way that the women do�
And they don�t look nearly as good in the cocktail dresses.
Now, you may be thinking that I�m saying this because I�m a sexist pig.
OK. I�m a sexist pig. I�m not too sorry to say that I actually enjoy looking at some hot chicks, usually dressed in their slutty best.
Listen, there are plenty of shows that I can go to check out skanky chicks. What makes the Bachelor worth watching over other shows with skanky chicks? Oh, I don�t know�. Maybe it�s the backstabbing and controversy of 25 desperate broads fighting with each other over a guy that they have known for all of a few hours.
Now, don�t get me wrong. Not all of the lasses are what could be categorized as hotties. In fact, I can recall the words, �Looks like she�s been hit in the face with a spade shovel� and �She looks a little used� coming out of my mouth when describing some of the fine ladies vying for the heart of the Bachelor.
There�s my personal favorite girl from this season, Kelly. Kelly was apparently created by stealing Jeff Goldblum�s teleportation machine from the Fly. It�s as though Cameron Diaz stepped into the machine, but forgot that she had a picture of Mary-Jo Buttafuoco in her wallet. She�s a kinda cute chick who just happens to look like she just had a .32 slug pumped into her head by a crazy teenage bitch, causing her face to slide to the side slightly when she talks. It�s really an interesting look.
Put her side-face talking together with the fact that she just couldn�t seem to leave her tiny little dog at home and I say, WINNER! Kelly can�t do anything without her dog. Shop. Sleep. Shower. I don�t know about the rest of you gentlemen, but any time there is a girl who can�t go anywhere without her dog, that girl might not be moving on to the next round of, �Which desperate loonies should I keep around?� Her dog and the fact that, should I feel so inclined to attempt a kiss with her, you would have to aim at her cheek to hit her mouth, might make me a little leery to have Kelly hanging around much longer.
You might want to rethink the dog angle, sweetie. And maybe have something done about the slug in your face.
Although I wouldn�t be keeping the insane women around if I was the Bachelor, I am soooo glad that my man has decided to keep a few of the crazies around. My wife is always angry when the Bachelor keeps the whores and insane women around. I, however, eat that shit up.
Of course, if it was me, methinks I would want to jettison the lunatics like trash from the Death Star, but as long as it�s not me that has to deal with the consequences, I�m all for keeping these nutjobs around. This is entertainment at its best!
Let�s go on to a little more of what makes the Bachelor so great�
Krysta
Krysta has decided to fill this season�s role of the token, �I�m going to do everything I can to make myself look like a complete money-digging psycho who will do anything to win the heart of the Bachelor and make any guy watching look for a boiling rabbit in a pot on the stove if I end up dating them�. Mega-Awesome entertainment. I really hope she ends up winning it all. One of my favorite quotes from Krista is, �If they (the other girls) think they can play the game of persuasion better than me, then they are wrong.� She�s decided to take the stance that, �All�s fair in love and war!� In fact, she feels so strongly about filling the role of complete psycho-bitch (Kiskisae, Better runrunrunrun runrun runawaaaaaaayy. - Sorry. Bad, misspelled Talking Heads reference) that she needed to repeat her love and war mantra no less than three times. The other ladies have already decided that they are not so fond of my girl, Krista. I can see many-a-confrontation on the horizon for the girls and Krista, chock-full of meow-worthy catty-ness. Awe-friggin-some. I can even see some of the girls ratting Krysta�s money-loving ass out to our hero, the Bachelor. Gr-friggin-eat stuff.
Mega-fun is headed our way courtesy of our pal, Krysta.
I lovelovelove all the crying. How can the contestants really be so upset at being eliminated after literally meeting their �prize� a few hours before. Could they really have had that much of connection in that time that it warrants tears? During the �Rose Ceremony�, one of the girls literally looked like she was going to pass out and spew on the girl in front of her because she hadn�t received a rose yet. If I�m the Bachelor and I see this going on, I�m pretty sure to steer quite clear of that contestant.
Some of the girls think they know the Bachelor so well after their few hours of trying to get the attention our male-whore hero that they already know what is best for him. Actual quote from the show: �I can�t believe that he kept some of those girls. I don�t think they are his type at all!� I�m sure that statements like this don�t have anything to do with the fact that they just got their loser asses kicked off the show. Or is it that they are a maniacal psychos? Hard to tell.
You know you�ve got quality entertainment when one of the girls� occupations was �acrobat�. Seriously, acrobat? Good times.
However, I am quite disgusted by our Bachelor for not keeping Huge Breasts Implant, Not Too Bright Girl�. Has he watched this show before? From the previews, you can tell that he has no problem making out with/ feeling up all of these broads. He didn�t want to find a way to fit this dim bulb into his top 15? Yet, he keeps Ms. Buttafuoco? I�m going to miss her and her bought assets. My wife, however, is not quite as sad to see her go. I don�t understand women.
I�m going to miss her stunning wit and intellectual conversations.
I�m definitely excited about this season. The coming attractions show a lot in store for us lucky viewers.
It looks like this season is �Who can wear the most shirts to make their boobs look the sluttiest?� Always a plus in my books.
Scenes like this assure that BigPimp will at least keep an eye on things.
Tense music, lots of tears and lots more yelling!!!! I can�t even wait.
Quotes like �She has no freaking heart!� and �I never thought that this would be so hard.�
Please join me by watching along or at least by telling me that someone else is watching this disgraceful crap so that I can feel a little better about myself.
8:48 a.m. - 2004-09-25
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