bigpimpinmba's Diaryland Diary

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Driving and SoCal

I don�t know if this is a New Jersey/ Northeast- angry driver phenomenon or if it is something that is prevalent across this great land of ours. People are pretty angry in this area and aren�t usually too afraid to show it.

Example: You are driving in one lane and you check your mirrors before starting to get over into the next lane. You suddenly look over and see that there is someone in your blind spot, so you quickly make sure to get back into your lane to avoid an accident.

You�d think that the other driver would be quite happy that you didn�t plow into him. Well, not quite. Mr. Jersey will not be satisfied that the near miss occurrence has been complete until he or she has pulled up beside you and given you a complete look of disdain and surliness.

What�s the deal with that? Nobody got hurt. You didn�t even really inconvenience them in any way.

BUT.

This encounter cannot be over until you have been stared down thoroughly for avoiding an accident.

It is apparently the Jersey version of closure.

Same thing goes if you are coming to a stop sign a little too quickly and have to slam on the brakes to avoid entering the crossroad. If you are in Jersey, you obviously deserve to be given an icy stare for, again, avoiding an accident.

I really don�t get it.

I suppose that I should just plow into the guy and he�ll be happy. (Dear Lord, imagine if someone stumbled across this entry, decide to add me as a favorite and then used this quote for my diary.)

�.

Onto another driving subject� Convertibles.

I love the jackasses, who, in early spring, just can�t wait to show everyone how cool they are by having their tops down.

A few weeks ago, I�m getting ready for work and notice that the weather will be nice later that day, but it is currently 37 degrees at 6:30 AM (That�s 37 degrees Fahrenheit, because I live in the US of A. Yee-haw.)

So, I leave the house and start driving to work and notice a guy pulled over on the side of Route 1 (kind of a major road in Central Jersey, at least). He�s putting his top back up because it was apparently a little too chilly for him.

No shit.

I mean, did he walk out of the house intent on having that top down, regardless of what the weather was like? If he doesn�t park his car in the garage, there is absolutely no excuse for this because it was 37 degrees outside and he couldn�t have not noticed that it was friggin cold outside as he was putting his top down. Jackass.

It�s always humorous to see the guys who have put their tops down too early and are driving completely bundled up, with the windows up, the heater blaring and their combover blowing in the wind.

Yeah. You look really cool.

Smacktard.

�..

One of my favorites, Hairburner, will be pissed to learn this, but I was in Southern California a few weeks back for a trade show. (I really wouldn�t have had any time to meet up, really! Sorry!)

Anyway, while in SoCal, I stayed at the Queen Mary Hotel, which is THE Queen Mary cruise ship of yore. It is now docked in Long Beach as a hotel permanently, so you can stay there in all of its bad plumbing and art-deco glory.

Well, if you didn�t know, the RMS Queen Mary is rumored to be haunted. And I�m a bit of a skitzey freak with this type of stuff.

I met up with a buddy of mine when I got into the hotel the first night. The last thing he says to me before I am ready to go back to my room and go to sleep is:

�Last time I stayed here, I woke up in the middle of the night and thought I saw the Gorton�s Fisherman-guy from �I Know What You Did Last Summer� standing over me�.

Great. Now I�ve got that stuck in my mind.

So, you�ll never guess who went to sleep with several lights on in the room and the TV on�

That would be this ninny typing right now.

Of course, the walls of the rooms are paper thin and you can hear lots of noises from all of the adjacent rooms and hallway. It�s no wonder that people think that the ship is haunted� Put those ideas in people�s minds and then send them to bed in a ship where you hear everything.

The kicker was when I was finally able to fall asleep, but I was jolted out of my sleep when my one toe touched the bottom of my other foot and I jumped out of bed in ninjabukakekwando style, just to let any ghosts know that they are messing with the wrong sleep-deprived jackwad.

If I can�t interject even a little bit of manhood into myself soon, I think I�ll have to list myself in the gay yellow pages.

Holy crap, am I turning into BigQueenieMBA or what? First, I�m plowing into guys and now I�m screaming like a B-horror movie queen because my toe had a twitch in the middle of the night.

Don�t make fun of me or I will sashay my butt over and totally bitch you out!

I have a bone to pick with the rest of the country. You all like to make fun of New Jersey for being polluted and full of factories, right?

Jersey has been called the armpit of America, so I�ve heard.

Well, take a ride around Southern California. There are so many factories and chemical plants set up all along all of the major highways and on the ocean� Probably just as many as in New Jersey. Why do we take so much shit for our landscape? Just because you have nicer weather doesn�t make you better than us.

And another thing� Could you please stop with all of the oil wells all over? I was playing a really nice golf course near Anaheim and there were no fewer than eight oil wells on the course. There are oil wells on just about everyone�s lawns, right in the middle of a crowded neighborhood.

For such an environmentally conscious state, I am constantly shocked by this.

Rant done. I�m a little defensive of the Garden State. Could you tell?

Anyway, I was driving between San Diego and Long Beach when I saw about the funniest sign of my life�

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I just about had to pull over to the side of the road to stop laughing in disbelief. They literally have signs to tell you that there could be a small Mexican family trying to high-tail it across I-5, so please be careful not to mow them down.

Small, migrant families of three, pulling the arms of their children out of their sockets have apparently become such a problem on I-5 that someone had decided that they had damned well better make a sign to memorialize these families. I know illegal immigration is a big issue in SoCal and that people actually lose their lives trying to get into this great country that I am blessed to live in, but that sign just cracks me the hell up.

Maybe someone can help me on a few things�

Wouldn�t the mother want to wear something a little more functional for a difficult jouney than a dress or is that what is always worn when playing Frogger?

The father appears to be wearing dress shoes of some sort. I�m not sure what type of work that illegal aliens are getting, but I definitely wouldn�t think that upper management would be one of the jobs that they would be qualified for immediately after dashing across the border and grabbing a shower. There are a lot of biotech companies that are sans-CEO right now, so maybe the guy who was posing for the sign thought he had a shot with one of the startups. Who knows?

Do you think that the third member of the family is a girl with pigtails, a boy with a bandana or Tattoo from Fantasy Island?

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I know that his career never recovered from the separation anxiety from being pulled apart from Ricardo Montalban, but couldn�t someone give the guy a legitimate job in Hollywood, so he doesn�t have to be pulled across a major interstate by his arm?

�.

Hooterville - I�ll answer your interview questions in my next entry and I�ll send you my questions by tomorrow. I know you can�t wait.

4:09 p.m. - 2005-05-19

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