bigpimpinmba's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My As many of you have probably seen, there is a mini-trend of diarists interviewing other diarists going around D-Land recently. I have been honored to be asked by the lovely and talented Cookie of Hooterville Anyway, here goes my first interview since the prosecution of the MJ trial had to �ask me a few questions about Neverland�. But we won�t get into that right now� COOKIE PIMP Most people think superfund site equals half-empty. I like to look at it as half full. As for being a bedroom community for New York, I really take offense to that. You obviously don�t know about the beauty that is Newark or Camden. I really can�t think of anywhere else in the country that has such impressive alternatives to a large, renowned cities that are just across the border in another state. You give me New York as the city that never sleeps? I give you Newark as the city that never sleeps because of the gunshots and because you lie awake wondering where your car went. And Philly? Puh-lease. I mean, have you seen the beauty that is Camden? Look no further than the beautiful view of the Philadelphia skyline that our inmates get from the Camden prison�. You can�t get that kind of view FROM Philadelphia. You have to go across the lovely Delaware river for that view. Seriously, though. I do love Jersey. The people may be a bit more what you may call �rude� than you may be used to from other parts of the country, but that�s because we don�t give you some sugary-puke false friendliness, like I�ve gotten in other parts of the country. We may be a bit slower to accept you, but once you are our friends, you won�t find a better group of people than you will find in Jersey. And I joked about the New York City / Philly identity complex that we seem to have� That�s something that is projected upon us FROM NYC and Philly. We really couldn�t care less. We have access to those two great cities by just crossing a river. And it lets the people of New York and Pennsylvania feel a little better about themselves. People judge Jersey by small stretches of the Turnpike near NYC and Philly. And you know what? If I didn�t know anything else about Jersey than what I had seen (and smelled) from my car, I�d think that Jersey was horrendous too. Get outside of those areas and Jersey is really a great state. There�s a reason that a large proportion of the meeel-ionaires that work in NYC and Philly take residence here in the Garden State. I�ll let Cookie sell you on the Jersey shore and how awesome it is. COOKIE PIMP: I am an ice cream ninja. How I like to eat my ice cream depends on the flavor and I won�t bore you all to tears with every iteration of answer. However, since you asked, my favorite is a hot fudge sundae with Reeses Pieces and chocolate sprinkles (Friendly�s Reeses Pieces sundae anyone?). However, if the ice cream flavor is especially good, I will sometimes opt for a cone. I know all the kids these days love the waffle cones, but give me a sugar cone any day of the week, topped with chocolate sprinkles. No rainbow sprinkles. The only acceptable alternative is cake crunchies (the things in the middle of an ice cream cake) If you try to put that magic-shell dip on top, I will puke on your shoes. That stuff is nasty wax and doesn�t belong anywhere near a food item. Don�t even try to argue with me on this. It is putrid. And don�t call them jimmies. They are sprinkles. There is no argument here. And don�t give me a �cake cone� or �wafer cone� for hard ice cream. Those things are like cardboard. The only time they are acceptable is when you are eating soft-serve (or custard). I have a lot of stories about my days of yore with ice cream. My favorite is when people come in and ask for wet nuts on their sundaes. (Wet nuts are a mixture of maple syrup and walnuts as a topping. Personnally, I don�t� think this belonged anywhere near ice cream, but whatever..) I�m not sure if there was any time that someone asked for wet nuts on their sundae that I didn�t want to teabag their order and hand it to them. COOKIE PIMP I am all about the nuclear family and rarely show emotion except to step up and scream at my kids for not showing me proper respect and beat my wife when my food is cold when I walk through the door. If she needs to drink to get through the day, so be it. Actually, Mrs. Pimp and I have been blessed to have grown up in a nuclear families where our parents were able to �swing it� on a single salary. We both feel that, as long as we can continue to afford it, it is best for our kids to have Mrs. Pimp stay home to take care of them. My wife is an awesome teacher and role model to our kids and I am lucky to have her as my wife and the mother of my children. COOKIE PIMP Although could never do what he does, I thought, with a couple of kids and a sense of humor, I could probably write some stuff and make people laugh too. I hope that some people get a chuckle here and there when the click on over to this sorry-ass excuse for a website�. And with all of the reminders from Andrew that my Gold Membership is just about up, I now realize that I will have written nonsense for 1 whole year next month. I think that blogging is popular because it is another way for people to express themselves and be recognized for it. Take me, for example� There is no way in hell I would ever be able to keep up a real journal. I would never get enough out of writing to a stupid book. I need people to provide me with feedback, whether it is through comments, notes or adding me to their favorites. I appreciate it all and thank all of you who are nice enough to stop by and reinforce this moronic endeavor that I�ve undertaken. The �funny� sites are more popular because poetry sucks and nobody wants to hear other people�s crap. We all have enough crap in our own lives that we don�t really want to hear about other people�s misery. If we wanted to do that, the Cure would be more popular. (And I do like the Cure quite a bit). People want to be entertained and want a laugh to break up their day. A little bit of misery every now and then is OK, but enough already with some of that crap. (I�m not saying this to anyone on my favorites, by the way�.) COOKIE PIMP: Well�..Could you? Who the hell is Celestine Harrington, you ask? Celestine was the armless and legless woman who used to get around the boardwalk on a gurney and play Amazing Grace the organ with her tongue. Word on the street is that she used to clear 6-digits easily. If you could possibly chop off your arms and legs and come up with some sort of gimmick to beg enough money to clear 100 large, you�ve got yourself a new daddy. I�ll even drive you back and forth to AC for your gigs. Actually, the fact that you SPECIFICALLY mention your debt makes me more than a little nervous. Especially when Atlantic City is involved. This seems like a desperate ploy to get me down to AC and drug me, and then I�ll wake up in an ice bath with a note on my chest to call 911 because my kidneys had both been removed and if I got out of the ice�� You know the urban legend. I have a hard enough time worrying about how the 16-month-old boys are looking at my 12-month-old daughter. I�m not sure I could make a leap and adopt a 24 year old girl. I�ve read your diary and I know of the heartbreak that Cookie has gone through. I�ve got a scant 15 years (I pray) to get ready to see my baby girl cry over a boy. I can�t be thrust 23 years into the future in one fell swoop and be OK with that. I�ll take you up on the osso bucco, and I�ll definitely see about meeting up with you somehow during your stay in Jersey! Prologue: Thank you, Miss Cookie for the opportunity to interview you and be interviewed by you. It was certainly a pleasure. Again, people. Take the time and read her stuff. She has a sharp wit and some of the most laugh-out-loud stuff around. Go back and read her archives instead of just relying on what she was forced to answer in my lame interview. In this process you�re supposed to write this (And I ripped right out of Warcrygirl�s 9:16 a.m. - 2005-05-24 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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