bigpimpinmba's Diaryland Diary

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Ricky

So, I�ve decided that I�m going to stay put here at D-Land and just use the Haloscan comments and some other image hosting. This is partly because I kind of like being here at D-Land and partly because I�m a lazy, lazy man and lastly because I�m really dumb.

You may have noticed a little change in the template here. My previous template was designed by one of my first D-Land friends, Ubergrrl. When I decided that I wasn�t going to keep paying a butload of money to keep the comments and pictures at D-Land, I tried messing around with my template and lost the entire thing because I did something really dumb. So, for now, until I figure out some more advanced html, I�ve royally f�d up my page. Go me.

Moving all of my awful photoshopped pictures and other pictures to a new host and changing the links in all of my entries is a major-league pain in the tookas, just so you know.

But I�m doing it because you all love me and have nightmares of me leaving your lives.

Right?

RIGHT?

Remind me why I�m doing this again�.

�..

Ricky�.

RickyRickyRickyRicky

I�ve told you all a little bit about my fabulous neighbors and how much we love them. Especially here with Other Tales of the Rickster

If you can�t take any time out of your life to read about the Rickster, let�s just recap. The kid is just a bit left of center. Along the lines of King of the Hill, �That boy ain�t right.�

Yesterday, I see Ricky out on the porch with his Dad. Ricky is basically following his Dad around, asking him questions like, �Why does my penis hurt when I smack it against a pole?� and �Is it wrong to have naughty thoughts about my cousin, Veruca?�

Daddy gets a little annoyed and hands Ricky a broom and tells him to sweep the leaves off the back deck.

Ricky sweeps for about 98 seconds before yelling in to his Dad� �CAN�T I USE A LEAF BLOWER????�

Dad, �NO.�

Ricky, �CAN�T MARY-KATE DO IT? SHE�S FAT!!!� (Mary Kate is his little sister)

Dad, �(muffled response, but we assume he says �No�.)�

Ricky, �WELL, SHE SMELLS!�

My wife and I are in absolute hysterics about this exchange�..

Ricky, �GET ME A VACUUM!!!!�

This may not have been the most insane conversation that is happening beyond our fences, but we definitely got quite a laugh out of it.

�.

As another example of the awesomeness that is Rickster�s Parent�s parenting skills, I present you with this�

Image Hosted by The Image Hosting

It may be slightly difficult to make out, but what you are seeing is basically a picture of our hero, Ricky, standing on the railing of his deck, which is only a mere 6-7 feet off the ground.

Not only is Ricky standing on the 3.83� wide deck railing, working on a twin-tower replica on 9-11 (totally true), but his Dad and Grandparents are watching him do it and even helping him. As a parent, this whole scene goes against every ounce of my being, but there is the whole family, encouraging a 9-year-old kid to be swinging a hammer, standing on a narrow plank, 7 feet above the ground.

I�m thinking that they may be hoping for something unfortunate.

Or was that me?

�.

A few months ago, my wife looked out the window and screamed�. �Oh my God!!! Ricky is hanging himself!!!�

I rush to the window to see what was happening and I see Ricky has a piece of string around his neck and the string is slung up over a tree branch.

With my first instinct, I quickly run out of the room because time is obviously of the essence.

My wife thinks I�m heading to the back door to try to help the kid or warn his parents about what is going on.

Nuh. Uh.

After a few seconds, she asks, �What the hell are you doing?�

Me, �Looking for my digital camera. Wait until the people of D-Land get a load of this!�

Listen. I�m not THAT morbid.

Ricky was in absolutely no danger. The string was so thin and he had the other end in his hand. Trust me. If the kid was in real danger, I wouldn�t have been looking for the digital camera.

I would have grabbed the regular camera, which is always in the kitchen, before running outside to help the kid.

Because I care.

Ricky has his cross to bear.

No. Really.

Back in the spring, March 27 to be exact, I hear some singing, coming from Ricky�s back yard. Then, I hear some banging.

Then, more singing.

When I get around to going over to the window to see what the Rickster is up to this time, I see him nailing something together.

A few minutes later, I rub my eyes to make sure that I�m not dreaming when I see Ricky carrying a 5-foot tall cross around his yard.

He actually still has the cross in his back yard (six months later) and I saw him trying to get his friend to hang him from the cross, but his friend told him that it was weird. This happened about 2-3 months ago. I�m not kidding. This happened.

Houston, we may have a problem.

I can see a Tom Hanks �Rickpollo-12� movie in the future.

�.

If I haven�t said it before, Ricky goes to Catholic school.

And he carries his own cross. (in case you forgot)

So, yesterday, I�m putting the cushions for the patio furniture away in the shed for the season.

My shed is right against the fence between my yard and Ricky�s yard.

I was having a bit of trouble with the pile of crap in my shed and the cushions fell on me repeatedly as I was stacking them up for storage.

I don�t have the best temper with shit like this.

�JORGE H. CHRISTOPHERSON!!!!� (except a bit more religious name) �FOR THE LOVE OF FUDGE (Only in a more �Christmas Story� way)�

I apparently didn�t see Ricky behind my shed when I entered, but I sure as shit heard him run into his house, yelling, �DADDY� THE GUY BEHIND US SAID��� (cut off by the door slamming shut)

I wonder what my neighbor said?

Cue evil grin and maniacal laughter�.

2:31 p.m. - 2005-09-26

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