bigpimpinmba's Diaryland Diary
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Shower revelations
Cut to scene with two people standing awkwardly, each avoiding direct eye contact. An uncomfortable silence fills the air.
Quietly, our host breaks the silence�.
BigPimp�. �Hi.�
You (the reader)�. �Hi.�
BigPimp, �How have you been?�
You, �I�ve been OK. How about you? I�ve missed you.�
BigPimp, �I�ve missed you too. But I did get those topless pictures you sent me last week. Thanks for breaking the ice. I appreciate it. Although, the topless pictures from you and you could have been done without, but I won�t complain.�
��
You sometimes go through life�s routines without taking notice of the hilarious things that are going on around you.
Take, for instance, what is going on in my shower these days. (And this is where all of my male readers get all uncomfortable, wondering exactly where this entry is headed�.)
Don�t worry, I won�t go into excruciating details about how my Fabio-esque-ness gets all soapy and lathery and turns into a late-night Skinemax flick starring Johnny Wad and Bodacious Betty.
Yet.
So, I was taking a look around the shower and noticed a strange, sexual-overtoned vibe going on.
First, I look over and see this�
Not too weird, but when you drop the R from FrUCTIS, it sure does sound like an innuendo to me.
Especially when I looked down to the other end of the shower and saw this�
Okay.
What�s the first thing that pops into your head when you see this?
I�ll give the slower readers a few seconds to ponder..
�
Yes. It says MOIST. Now hurry up and think of something witty.
�
Some of you are really slow.
Well, the first thing that pops into my awful brain when I see the word MOIST in all caps with a kangaroo above it is that there are a bunch of crazy Australians herding a bunch of Kangaroos, giving them all a bunch of Kanga-PlayGirl magazines, sexual toys and John Cusack movies and extracting the misty-moisty goodness. (And if you recognize �misty-moisty� as a Barney lyric, welcome to my world. YES. THAT Barney. The big, annoying, purple dinosaur)
I know.
I have issues.
Don�t you think that I hear this every day at my house?
But, I have to say, that moist kangaroos can rub themselves on my head all day because my hair has such sheen, the likes of which have not been witnessed on this balding head in years. Thank you, Australia and your horny �roos for exporting such a disturbing and lovely product for my silky-smooth hair.
Again. I know. I�ve got issues.
Well, I�m obviously not the only one who is thinking similar thoughts.
I always knew that Elmo had a freakey-deakey fetish side to him.
�
A few other things�.
(This news item is a few weeks old. Sorry.)
Is it just me or does anyone else wonder what is up with Pirates these days? When I heard that pirates had attacked a cruise ship, I had to laugh.
http://www.military.com/NewsContent/0,13319,86072,00.html
Since when are pirates a problem again?
I need to know if there has been a run on parrots, peglegs and eye-patches recently. Is there anywhere that I can get some of this data?
I was actually wicked-pissed when I saw a picture of the pirate ship
No. This really was a picture of the �pirate� ship.
Seriously. There were nary a parrot, skull and crossbones, nor plank to be seen anywhere on that pitiful �pirate� ship.
Just absolutely atrocious.
And if those assholes weren�t yelling �Arrrgggghhhhh�, they should have their pirate�s licenses revoked forthwith.
�.
Am I the only one who thinks that Mariah Carey being nominated for eight.
EIGHT.
8.
Acht.
Ocho.
Grammys may be a sign of the coming apocalypse?
Did we collectively decide to forget all about Butterfly, Glitter and Charmbracelet?
I think there may have been a misinterpretation of the Old Testament somewhere along the lines. I�m now thinking it wasn�t the Four Horsemen that would spell doom.
I think it was the Whore For Men. NOT Four HorseMen.
It�s easy to see where the mixup came from.
�.
Thanks for stopping by and keeping the faith!
11:51 p.m. - 2006-01-30
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