bigpimpinmba's Diaryland Diary

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Star Wars was much better the way I remembered it.


Warning to all readers�. This entry contains a lot of extremely nerdy references that could potentially shatter your image of the BigPimp as the stud you undoubtedly do. Consider yourselves warned.

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How awesome is it that the movie that I grew up loving with my entire heart and soul is my son�s absolute favorite movie.

Obviously, I�m talking about Star Wars.

A few weeks ago, I was flipping through the channels and stumbled across the last 30 minutes of Empire Strikes Back. My son�s interest was immediately piqued by seeing C3P0 and R2D2. Then, as if straight out of Jerry Maguire, Star Wars had him at Gggrrraaaahh! (That�s Chewbacca�s growl in letters. Pathetic, I know.)

After he saw that little bit of Empire, he kept talking about Star Wars and how he wanted to see the lion (Chewbacca) again.

My son is only 3 and a half. Probably not entirely ready for the awesomeness that is Star Wars yet, but, who am I to put an end to his interest in something that I�ve been waiting for him to love for quite a while? What�s the difference if the kid is scared shitless by the Emporer or anything else? Isn�t that what therapy is for?

His desire to see more Star Wars and start collecting the Star Wars paraphernalia has been milked to its absolute maximum by the Missus and me. We have been holding the promise of additional Star Wars viewings and the possibility of buying him actual Star Wars figures over his head as incentive for just about anything that we see fit. Primarily, this has been a smashing success in the realm of potty training.

How ironic that the promise of a furry, brown wookie has coaxed something rather similar out. (I�m sorry. That was probably a little over the top, even for me.)

Now that we have him potty trained, we seem to have created a monster. We�ve used Star Wars to our advantage as much as possible and the kid now has Luke, Chewbacca, R2-D2, C3-PO and a bunch of the Burger King happy meal toys.

But he wants more.

So, now, we�ve been using the threat of taking these toys away as incentive for him to behave. (Cue evil laugh� mmmmwwwwaaahahaha)

Oh, don�t feel too bad for the little guy. He�ll get more action figures, it�s just that stupid Target (the only store that sells the figures with the freakishly oversized hands and feet that are good for Little-Pimp sized kids because they don�t fall over when placed down, leading to a tantrum the likes of which haven�t been seen at D-Land since Andrew screwed us with a server crash) has been out of them for quite a while.

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Sign number 773 that I�ve been in business school for too long.

Jawas.

As I�m watching Star Wars (Episode IV � A New Hope), I�m analyzing situations that should really be left alone.

After R2 and 3PO leave the Rebel ship at the beginning of the movie and end up on Tatooine, they are both gathered up by the Jawas. This got me thinking a bit more about these JAwas. What kind of business plan did these guys have? It appears to me that their entire business plan is to wander around the desert looking for random droids that have been jettisoned from passing ships. How often is this happening that they are able to build an entire business around this?

Of course, in typical business school fashion, I�m starting to wonder, what type of Return on Investment are the Jawas getting from wandering around? How many robots are just tossed off passing ships to make this worth their while?

Then, I start wondering, where did they get the startup financing to purchase their sandcrawler (I�m a pretty big dork, but I actually had to look up the name of this vehicle.) and start their business? Do the Jawas have any real competition in this market? Is this a potential business opportunity?

Then, I started thinking about the sandcrawlers�.

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Who is building these vehicles? Who is the idiot who is financing the construction of these monstrosities? I�m thinking the maker of the sandcrawlers has some sort of sweet government contract with the Empire or something.

Uncle Owen

Uncle Owen is no less than a complete idiot. Here�s a guy (I�ve apparently turned into John Madden) who, after being almost ripped off by the Jawas on a faulty R2 Unit (The red one), immediately purchases R2-D2, who then runs away with his other unit, C3-PO. What business acumen! Sign this guy up as CEO of Tyco or something, stat!

Speaking of business plans�.. What the hell was he harvesting? He tells Luke that he can�t leave because he needs Luke for the harvest. I don�t know if Uncle Owen has looked around the farm, but there ain�t much growing out there in the desert. Unless Owen is waiting around for the next crop of sand to come of age�.

Dumbass.

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Actually, watching Star Wars was really a wake up call as to how awful these movies really were visually. After watching them, I really can�t blame Lucas for wanting to go back and clean them up.

The visual effects were miserable. And I�m not just talking about the original Star Wars. Even up into Jedi, the effects were horrendous when Jabba�s Barge is speeding over the desert of Tattoine and during the scene where Luke fights the Rancor� Just horrendous.

And don�t even get me started about Darth turning good-guy at the end of Jedi. Probably the cheesiest plotline in movie history. They might as well try to make a movie of Hitler�s life and try to make you feel bad that he had to go and die� I mean, he didn�t mean to be bad and kill all those people� Terrible story.

I wish that Lucas could have gone back and cleaned up the entire plotline of Jedi from the Ewoks to the good-guy Vader.

I think I�m done with my Star Wars rant�

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Well, going along with the Star Wars phenomenon that has been sweeping the Pimp hood�.

Little pimp wanted me to draw some of the characters from the Star Wars movies in chalk on the driveway. Now, I am a virtuoso of chalk, somewhere along the lines of da Vinci, but better.

So, first up, Little Pimp asked me to take on his two favorite characters, C3-PO and R2-D2 and I give you the following�

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When you see the originals, you almost can�t even tell the difference�

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As you can already tell. I am the greatest.

Next up, Little Pimp wanted me to take on the challenge of a few of the ships from Star Wars. Of course this means that I would be drawing a Tie Fighter, X-Wing Fighter and the Millenium Falcon.

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Now, I want you to take notice what I just did right there. I put my drawing and the actual pictures of the spaceships side-by-side. I DEFY you to figure out which one is the drawing and which one is the actual picture.

I know. I know.

I rule.

I know you are all wicked-impressed with the afterburner effects behind the Falcon and X-Wing

Next up, Little Pimp wanted me to draw him and his puppy. I didn�t take a picture of him that day, so you can�t see just how true to life this picture really is, but I�m sure you will be shocked by the magic that a man can work with chalk�

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Make sure you notice the extremely detailed hair, shirt and even the pockets on his cargo pants. I leave nothing to the imagination with my art.

Here, I will give you an overall view of my Cistene Chapel�.

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Thank you all for your applause and kindness. You are all really too kind.

Stop. You�re embarrassing me.

(PS. As if it needs any explanation because it is so articulately drawn; in the lower right-hand corner are my renderings of the squirt bottles that my son had been playing with earlier in the day and wanted me to draw. Again, take notice of the intricacy of the droplets squirting from each bottle. I am the greatest. Puts this chick to shame.)

I�m actually considering sending a link of my drawings to this guy for a review. (If you haven�t seen this link, it�s a guy making fun of kids drawings and it is frigging hysterical. A must see.)

Fortunately, it hasn�t rained for quite a while here in Jersey, so my �Cistene Chapel� has been on display for the entire neighborhood to see, day after day after day. Some of the neighbors have knocked on the door and offered to help us with the �special� child that we must have adopted recently. I don�t understand.

12:15 p.m. - 2005-06-22

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