bigpimpinmba's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Napolean could design a better tissue. I watched Napolean Dynamite for the second time. Was it funny? Definitely. I still find the funny parts completely quotable and hilarious. However, as far as a whole movie goes? Just. Not. Feeling it. I stand by my initial review that the funny parts were funny, but definitely not worthy of an entire movie. Maybe a couple of SNL skits, but not much more. If you want to watch a movie that was definitely more funny, watch Harold and Kumar go to White Castle. My wife and I laughed our asses off, especially when Doogie Howser himself, Neil Patrick Harris, was featured as himself, as a complete drug-addict maniac. Definitely worth a viewing. Maybe it is a bit more in-your-face type of humor, but it is undeniably funny. ��. I was blowing my nose today and some of the tissue got caught on my scruff on my upper lip. This disappointed me because, as anyone knows, a good tissue would not �flake off� and end up mocking me by making me look like a sloppy coke whore with white powder stuck below my nose. I chalk this up to faulty engineering. Being an engineer for a manufacturing company, I�m sure I look at things a little more analytically than most people and analyze the engineering that goes into common products a little too much. So, I start thinking about the decisions that had to go into the manufacture of a tissue� I�m a dork. I know this. Without us dorks, though, you wouldn�t have too many of the products that you know and love so show some love! Now, I think about what went into the Quality Control and Quality Assurance for this sub-par tissue, which led me to the following: Did you ever hear that story about the testing of the aircraft engines where they need to make sure that the engines can take sucking in a large bird, like a goose without breaking down so we don�t go plummeting to earth because Daffy Duck happened to be flying by at the wrong time? Well, you�re about to� Back in the sixties or seventies, one of the major aircraft engine manufacturers came up with a cannon-like gun to launch an actual bird into an engine to simulate the velocity of a bird hitting one of the engines during flight. Well, the first time they did this, they were thinking about a goose being sucked into an engine, so they decided to use a turkey to shoot into the engine with their newly invented cannon. So, when they fired the turkey at the engine, they expected that there would be some damage to the engine, but nothing that would stop the engine from being able to operate for an emergency landing. Well� That there turkey ripped a giant hole in the engine being tested, causing an explosion. Needless to say, the engineers were a wee bit worried about their engine design, thinking they would have to go all the way back and design an entirely new engine. Until they took a look at the turkey. Which the technician forgot to de-thaw before loading it into the turkey cannon. Whoops. What the hell does this have to do with tissues? I�m wondering if they ever designed some sort of snot firing machine when the company was testing whether the tissue will be strong enough to handle my Uncle Al�s huge nostrils and dried up boogers in February. And what about Aunt Mildred�s slimers that she�ll be sending into the snot catcher�s mitt that is a tissue during her annual summer colds? I wonder if there were any unfortunate accidents that took place during the testing involving frozen boogers blowing their way through the wall behind the tissue being tested. My tissue obviously didn�t pass the test for flaky-ness on the sandpaper, but they went ahead and sold it anyway. Cheap bastards. Or am I the cheap bastard for buying the cheap tissue? Cheap Pimp. I don�t even buy my hoes real gold-plated bling. Anyway, these are the types of things that the tissue engineer should be thinking of when they are designing and testing their tissues. Just so you know. � � Sometimes you just don�t have much to write about. This is apparently one of those times. 1:01 p.m. - 2005-04-05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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