bigpimpinmba's Diaryland Diary

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Crazy, Old Man Burger

I�m not sure if this is a good thing or not, but this is a story that my wife seems to love telling people about me. You may find it amusing or you may immediately file a restraining order against me, but that�s your decision.

A few weeks ago, at an ungodly hour, between times when my infant daughter is screaming for some reason or other, my neighbor�s dogs decide that they are going to host Barkingpaloozastock in the yard behind us. (Their dogs are hunting dogs that live outside 100% of the time) Now, my wife and I are absolutely sleep deprived because our daughter seems to think that when she is not sleeping, she should try to yell as loud as she can at us. And she seemed to think that � hour to 1 hour was an appropriate length of time to go between scream-sessions. Good times.

As could be imagined, during the time when she is sleeping, and, therefore, not yelling at us, we need to sleep. The dogs in the yard behind us, however, have different plans. These dogs were apparently raised in some sort of Saddam Hussein torture camp to bark as loud as they can whenever they see or sense any sleep-deprived person trying to catch a few Z's.

I attended college and lived in Newark, NJ, where gunshots rang out at least once a night and I slept like a rock. (I can�t say �slept like a baby�, because, with my newborn, I see how babies really sleep) I can usually block the barking bastards out of my mind and fall asleep, but this was a special night, where my mind would do nothing but focus on these dogs and their annoying attempt at a lullaby.

I have two dogs that also like to bark their heads off at something/ anything/ nothing when they are outside. However, when I hear them barking for any real period of time, I make sure to bring them in or get them to "SHADDAPP". So, you could imagine that I don�t think too kindly of inconsiderate jackasses who let their dogs bark unabated for any period of time.

This led me to do the only thing that a reasonable person would do�

I stuck my head out of the window and screamed at the top of my lungs for my very considerate neighbors to kindly �SHUTYOURGODDAMDOGSUP!!!� while my wife first stared with mouth agape and then laughed uncontrollably at my temporary insanity. I�m normally a pretty level-headed, laid back person who abhors confrontation, but make me into a sleep-deprived suburban freak and look what happens. I think that Judge Judy will probably see it my way when I present my case.

Of course, I then had to wait to see if there was any reaction. Apparently, the owners of the dogs knew exactly who the maniac was screaming at, because their house was probably the only house on the block where not a single light turned on to see whatinthehell was happening. Wusses.

The next time the dogs started barking, I heard a loud SHHHH! come from the house with no lights on and the dogs stopped barking, at least until I fell asleep.

Ahhh� You�ve got to love peaceful life in the suburbs.

The legend of �Crazy Old Man Burger� has begun.

12:04 p.m. - 2004-07-13

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