bigpimpinmba's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sex advice and Christenings How NOT to get laid 11:30 Monday Night BigpimpWife: It�s late. I�m going upstairs. Are you coming up? I�ll probably be asleep in a few minutes. Bigpimp: Why? Are you open for business? BigpimpWife: If I was before, the shop is closed now. Bigpimp: Damn. We had the Christening and subsequent party this weekend and things went pretty well. People came. People watched our Deacon pour water on my baby-girl�s head. People came back to our house. People ate and drank everything in sight. Then they went home with one or two of them leaving envelopes and presents for my baby-girl. When I opened a lot of those envelopes, there were checks and money in some of them. I suppose that this is intended for Katie, but, really, what is she going to do with money right now? I know that she�d just go out and blow it on that new binkie that she�s had her eye on� The MegaBinkie2000. And she just bought the UltraBinkie1900 last month. She always has to have the newest model. Kids these days�. I figured that some of the members of our family and some of our friends would be na�ve enough to think that I would actually save this money for Katie. In the words of the ever-wise Eminem, �I can't provide the right type of life for my family.. Cause man, these goddam food stamps don't buy diapers�. Them Pampers, are �spensive, man, especially the Cruisers (you parents of toddlers know what I�m talking about) In the midst of the insanity that was the Christening party, I actually took a minute to look around and notice what a great bunch of people I�ve been blessed to be associated with. All of these people came from as far as two hours away to come see my little girl get baptized and to share this great day with us. It was definitely a good feeling to realize how lucky of a man I am. I�ve got an awesome wife, two beautiful kids, a great extended family and some pretty decent friends. Sure, some of them have a mean addiction to crack and I�m basically blackmailing most of them with deep, dark secrets that they were stupid enough to share with me, but it�s those qualities that really endear these people to me. Well, the horseshoe pits were a moderate success. Most of the guys played what turned out to be Slopshoes� as the several inches of rain that fell from the remnants of Charley seemed to want to gather in my two pits of sand. So, with just about every throw of a horseshoe came a �SPLAT�! Very fun, especially for those guys who didn�t bring a change of clothes for after the church ceremony. Many a look of disdain was thrown towards these poor lads by their wives as they came walking back into the house with lots of tiny mud-dots on their pants and shirts. This didn�t stop the Slopshoes� from continuing, however, which made the fruits of my labor seem somewhat worthwhile. I actually had the bright idea before the party that I could take my leaf-blower and dry out the pits. Let me tell you� I am not the brightest chap at times. I don�t think you have to stretch your brain too much to imagine yours truly pointing his leaf blower and having a face-full of wet sand blasted right back onto himself. Nothing like sand-blasting your face right before you are going to go to church. Having your face look anything like Linda Blair�s pitted mug in the Exorcist doesn�t exactly make the men of the cloth comfortable. Like I said� I�m not the sharpest tack in the box at times. Overall, things went great. Except for turning my back yard into a really wet, dirty sponge the night before, the weather cooperated and everyone seemed to have a good time. Nice. 8:56 a.m. - 2004-08-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||