bigpimpinmba's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- No Sir. I would prefer to not have your smut, thank you very much. I went to Las Vegas on a business trip two weeks ago. Anyone who has been to Vegas and left their hotel to walk the strip will know what this is, probably without even seeing a picture. Flipflip. Slapslap. Flipflip. Flipflip SlapslapFlipflipSlapFlipSlapslap Flip. (Whispers between Spanish-speaking Amigos�.) Flipflip In case you either haven�t been to Vegas or have been to Vegas and can�t figure out what the hell I�m talking about, the �Flipflip� is basically the sound of proliferation of pornography and prostitution in Vegas. There are about 37,433 Mexicans who are brought into Vegas on a daily basis for no other reason than to stand on the sidewalk and try to get people to take the little trading cards and catalogues of strippers/escorts that they have to offer. I haven�t been able to discern whether the hander-outers are unable to speak English or that there is some sort of rule that they are not allowed to talk to the Gringos to which they are pushing their wares. And it is not even as if they just try to hand the cards to men. They will try to hand them to couples, single women, gays, lesbians, elderly, young, midgets, elderly midgets, conjoined twins, the disabled, Bob from accounting�. Basically whoever is walking in front of them will be assaulted with an arm hovering in front of them with a card or brochure attached, trying to get you to take it from them. The hovering arm is usually accompanied with a FlipFlip sound. I know that the tagline for Vegas is �What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas�, but it seems like a little much to have the equivalent of escort trading cards being forced upon you as you are trying to walk to another casino to drop more money in that evil city. It�s really kind of a funny dynamic to watch and take part in. The normal human reaction to someone who hands you something is to take whatever it is they are handing to you. So, if you watch people walking by, you see them fighting the urge to grab what is being offered to them, even though 98% of the people who walk past either don�t want what is being offered (or at least pretend to not want to take it for fear of being beaten to a bloody pulp by their wife next to them.) High comedy indeed. If you watch closely, you will notice that our Spanish-speaking friends all have their own way of flicking or slapping the cards to apparently further entice you into taking their wares from them. I have to say that I was actually impressed with some of the moves that I witnessed. I would imagine that our Mexican friends go home and practice their porn-pedaling techniques late into the night because they want to make sure that they have the best chance at career advancement. I imagine that there is some sort of hierarchy in the business, where they have to start off giving out the single trading cards in a crappy location and if they work really hard, they can move up to the catalogs or to a better location. If they are really good, they may even be bumped up to Director of Porn Distribution and ultimately to the creepy guy that escorts the �entertainment� to the bachelor party. (Not that I know anything about this) Some of the guys had different techniques: For the guys handing out the trading cards, some of them lean towards flipping the cards twice against their opposite hand before reaching the card out to potential customers. Others get a little fancier and will flick the corner of the card with the SAME HAND that they were handing out with, leaving the other had free for greater proliferation of porn. These are obviously the more motivated employees, who are able to double fist. I see big things in store for these motivated individuals. For the guys that are handing out the catalogues (And obviously the more experienced and senior members of the Porn Brigade) the major techniques are to slap on the opposite hand and then hand off to passer-bys. The other major technique involves either a flick of a corner of the brochure/magazine or by making a loud sound by brushing their finger against the pages quickly. It is really quite impressive. I�m working on it in my free time. With both the card guys and the catalogue guys, some of them slipped in a little extra effort, just to dazzle the crowd. Some of them had a little hand twist thing going, which I heard one of the other Mexican guys describe as the �Muy Difficulto Triple Lindy-o Twirl.� The gasp from the audience was quite impressive. The saddest part was when I saw Roy Horn on the street performing magic tricks with the cards and trying to train his Tabbycat Montecorkey to hand out cards alongside the rest of the immigrant workers. Apparently, after Montecore the tiger tried to give him a hickey, ending his tiger career, Mr. Horn�s work visa was revoked unless he could find some other line of work. I guess, what was he supposed to do? Go back to whatever effeminate land from where he was created? I don�t think so. I looked up and saw Siegfried looking out of the penthouse at Ceasars, noticeably laughing at Roy. That�s just wrong. The cards themselves are basically a little trading card that is put out by Topps in the baseball offseason. They have a picture of what you are to believe is the stripper/escort who will come to visit you when you call the number on the front of the card. Believe it or not, I actually did not even pick up any of the cards, but I imagine that there are statistics on the back of the card with the different categories such as: I would imagine that there is a market for trading these cards as well� Stu: �Bob, I just got a Ginger, but I�ve already got one. What do you have?� Bob: �Stu, I�ve got two Bambis and a Brown Sugar. I�ll trade you a Bambi and the Brown Sugar for your Ginger.� Stu: �That�s a Deal!� Everyone goes home happy. I�m actually looking into a new career by practicing my handing-out techniques in front of the mirror at home. However, the mayor has frowned upon my going down on Main Street and practicing for an enticing career in pornspreading. The man is always trying to keep me down. 2:50 p.m. - 2005-02-04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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