bigpimpinmba's Diaryland Diary

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Sox Win, Rockwell, Shatner, Swimclasshookup

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Congratulations to the Boston Red Sox and their fans, especially the fans who have been rooting for the Sox for over 20 years. I can�t pretend to have suffered like the long-time Red Sox fans, but I have been a New York Jets fan for most of my life, so I�ve seen my fair share of heartache.

The filthy group of men wearing the Sox uniforms this year really is a likeable group of people and are not hard to cheer for. Unlike the Yanks, who are basically a bunch of millionaires who get together to do a job, the Sox seem like a bunch of beer drinking guys who get together and have a good time playing baseball. There isn�t a team that deserves a championship more than the Red Sox. Next, I�d like to see the Cubs win the Series the year after Sosa retires because I�m not a fan of Sosa and his little, �show you up shuffle� after he hits a home run.

Couple of observations from the World Series�

Red Sox pitcher Pedro Martinez has officially created the world�s largest shortage of hair activator since the Blaxploitation films of the 70�s.

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Cardinals pitcher Jason Isringhausen looks like Merry from the Lord of the Rings.

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My wife said that Alan Embree (Sox pitcher) looks like he is the result of a Redneck Brother and Sister, a bottle of cheap wine, and a very long night. Not the prettiest thing she�s seen. (I don�t have a good picture to post)

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I�ve started to tell some of my real life friends about this crappy diary. I hope they think that it is half as funny as I do. Hi Chad. Hi Kari. Hi Honey (That�s Pimpwife to the rest of you. Bow and show your respect.) My wife called me out on some of the details of my last entry. Doh! Nicely done, babe!

Please feel free to chime in and make fun of me at any time.

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My wife and I sometimes torture each other by singing a verse from one of the kids shows before walking out of the room or before one of us is leaving the house. Nothing worse than having the Dora the Explorer theme song stuck in your head for your commute.

Nice.
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This morning, I heard the song, �(I Always Feel Like) Somebody�s Watching Me� by Rockwell. Am I the only one who wonders how Rockwell (he of no hits before or since) ended up roping Michael Jackson into singing the refrain of his song? I mean this isn�t the Michael Jackson of �Don�t leave your children alone with me� fame. This was the Michael Jackson that I grew up with, wearing the coolest clothes, leaving the nation with a zipper shortage and a plethora of left-handed sequined gloves without a partner. I loved MJ. He was the coolest thing singer on earth as far as I was concerned. He could do no wrong. He was moonwalking, dancing and singing with a member of the Beatles for God�s sake. (Although, I think that McCartney may slightly be regretting singing �The Girl is Mine� with a kid-toucher these days, but that�s just me.)

Anyway, you probably see what I�m saying. MJ was HUGE at that time. It�s not like Rockwell was teaming up with Captain and Tennille, who couldn�t buy a hit at the time �Who�s Watching Me?� came out. This was Michael friggin Jackson in his prime.

And here he was singing BACKUP for a no-name artist. It just didn�t make sense.

At the time�

Now that we�ve all seen the extensive body of work from Rockwell, we can probably understand what MJ was thinking.

Who can forget the epic hits�

�Pete�s Watching Me�

�I�m Watching You�

�I�m Watching the Spice Channel�

�The Feds Watched Me and Now I�m in Jail for Child Pornography Charges�

MJ saw the immense talent that was Rockwell and decided that he had better hitch his wagon to the Rockwell Express.

Seriously, what was MJ thinking?

Rockwell?

Seriously?

Maybe it was a knee jerk reaction to his hair catching fire during a Pepsi commercial that made him reconsider his life and find an obscure artist to work with. I think this decision was the beginning of the end of MJ�s sanity.

I�m thinking I might be able to get Jay-Z on the next BigPimp production.

This is the stuff I think about.

I have issues.

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XM Radio keeps playing a song by William Shatner called �Common People�, which is a cover of the song of the same title by the band Pulp. This version is a collaboration with Joe Jackson that really works, somehow. I can�t get enough of this song. It�s a spoken word diatribe by William Shatner about meeting a rich girl who wants to see how the common people live. Who better to teach a rich-bitch about common people than Captain Kirk? It is seriously mega-awesome, if you must know.

It must kick some serious ass if I chose to listen to Shatner over Front 242 on another channel of XM.

Click here to hear some Shatner greatness.

I think I might just have to plunk down some cash for this album. It was produced by Ben Folds, just to add a touch of legitimacy.

My wife and I are loving us some Shatner lately, since he is on the show Boston Legal. (Sunday nights on ABC) He plays an insane lawyer named Denny Crane in typical quirky Shatner fashion. It is a spinoff of �The Practice� and worth a gander for some serious laughs. We LOVE it.

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My little man is so damn smooth. As I have mentioned before, I take my son to swim class every Saturday morning. He has got himself some sort of crush on his teacher, Miss Catherine. However, I think he realizes that he really doesn�t have much of a shot with her, so he turned his attention towards the flyest honey in the pool, Adelia.

Adelia is an absolutely gorgeous mixed-race older girl - She�s 5 months older - who has stolen my boy�s heart. He always talks about Adelia when we are going to swim class. Adelia has a hard time showing up for class, always showing up somewhere between �The Wheels of the Bus� and �Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star�. She always blames it on her Mom, but I�m pretty sure that she is late because she�s making sure she picks out her hottest Dora or SpongeBob bathing suit.

My boy always gets so excited when he sees Adelia running into the pool, doing her best Baywatch Jog� as she makes her grand entrance to the class. The other girls in the class always make sure to give Adelia a cold stare for the show that Adelia puts on during her entrance. They�re just jealous because she�s the one getting the attention of the little Pimp.

Neither lil Pimp nor Adelia can wait to see each other and all they want to do is hang out on the pool stairs and have a tea party. (OK, tea parties may not be the manliest thing going, but I don�t see any of the other wannabe playahs makin� time with the flyest honey in the class) They stay after class for about 45 minutes, playing, while Adelia�s Mom and I keep a careful eye on things to make sure that everything stays �above water�, if you know what I mean.

Eventually, Adelia�s Mom says it�s time to go and the kids give each other a hug goodbye (watchful parental eyes, of course). A little while later, it�s time for BigPimp to get going as well, so we head back to the locker rooms for a game of �Get naked, run around, open lockers, count lockers, talk about lockers, climb into lockers, close lockers, run away from Daddy as he tries to get clothes on me, say things like, �Look at the big naked man� and finally get dressed and go�. Good times.

We walk out to the main entrance, where Adelia and her Mom were busy registering for another class before leaving (but I know that Adelia was just stalling to get a glimpse of my little fella). You know she�s dressed to impress. Awww yeah.

We end up leaving at the same time and walk out together. Adelia and Lil Pimp holding hands the whole way.

Kids rock.

This week is Miss Catherine�s last week as our swim class instructor. I want to ask her to take a picture of her with my son, but I don�t want to seem like some sort of leering weirdo trying to get a picture of a girl in her swimsuit. I�m quite stressed about this.

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Last, if anyone has a whole bunch of information or knows a whole lot about the following subjects, please e-mail me (for real):

Turner Construction Company

Cleanrooms - Who makes them and anything about them

RJ Lee Group

Thanks!

10:54 a.m. - 2004-10-28

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