bigpimpinmba's Diaryland Diary

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Welcome_Back_for_a_weekend_of_love

I know.

Really.

I KNOW

I know I suck.

I’ve seen it in the people who have dropped me from their favorites over the last few weeks while I haven’t updated and I don’t really blame them.

I’ve been having a bit of a fun time lately.

In the past two weeks, I’ve:

Lost my cell phone while running through the rain in the parking lot at Rutgers, only when I realized it was missing, I went out to the lot to find it in several pieces after bravely trying to fight that car that ran it over. (But got a decent deal on a brandy-new one on E-Bay… So that’s something)

Crashed my truck in accident that was completely my fault. (But got a slightly used, new car, so not too bad)

Lost heat in my house. (But it’s back and covered under our PSEG contract, so that’s good)

Got a $50 parking ticket from friggin’ Rutgers. (But I’m done with Grad-school forever next week, so that’s fantastic)

Had to catch up on a semester-full of slacking and write a research paper on Wireless Internet technologies. (If you need to know about WiMAX or WiFi or just would prefer that I put a bullet in your head to start with, just ask me!)

I did, however, find some time to write a guest entry for Clarity. You can read about my experiences in Spain with the pork-loving Spaniards HERE – Warning, PETA members might want to stay away from this entry.

I think that just about catches us up, so on to more stories of fun with yours truly (and strap in, because this is a long one, but worth the read. I promise you)…

As some of you may remember, my wife and I celebrated our fifth anniversary back in the beginning of September. When I was a kid and she and my Father went away for a romantic weekend to THE Land of Love….

Cove Haven, in the Poconos, the self-described “honeymoon capital of the world.”

Well, my parents had a brochure laying around from one of their trips, showing the rooms at Cove Haven and I had, as the young, naïve lad I was, looked at the picture of the room with a giant Champagne glass in it as a bubble bath. I thought it was just about the coolest thing ever and proclaimed that, when I was older, I was going to go to Cove Haven. So, over 20 years later, Momma Pimp remembered this and secretly had planned on sending my bride and me to Cove Haven for our 5th anniversary.

Momma and Pappa Pimp footed a good portion of the bill and took the kids for the weekend while Mr. Pimp and I had a sweet, sweet weekend, filled with lots of laughs and love….

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Awwwwwww yeeeaahhhhhhhh…… Who’s up for sipping some proverbial champagne? You know you want to…

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Can you feel the love tonight? That’s right. It’s a round bed.

With mirrors above and around it. With the brochure described “celestial ceiling” of little stars.

GIDD-to the-EE-UP.

I don’t really understand the entire purpose of the round bed, but I’m sure the good folks at Cove Haven conferred with a lovin’ consultant and ruled out a trapezoid, rhomboid and parallelogram to determine that a circular bed equals lots of lovin’. Who am I to argue?

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We may not know exactly what the purpose of the round bed is for, but you can be damn sure we looked right-sexy on that circle-only-has-one-side love nest.

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To add to the mega-awesomeness that is our Cove Haven room, we had our own, personal, heart-shaped pool. If you don’t think that we re-enacted this scene from the brochure, kindly punch yourself in the nipple three times. Each.

The little pamphlet in the room told us that the filter runs all the time and that it would not be shut off. I’m pretty sure that all of the rooms shared a common water source and filtration system. You can only imagine the jokes that we made about the film on the surface of the water.

Even though we were a little skeeved at first, by the end of the weekend, we weren’t too concerned about the protein baths that we were potentially soaking in.

Needless to say, “Sploodge” and “Loads” were incorporated into just about every conversation we had.

“Lover, how many layers of dried sploodge do you think we are sitting on?” (as we were sitting on the couch).

“Lover, do you think that there is still remnants of the first load dropped on this carpet in the 70’s still in this room somewhere?”

You get the picture.

And you probably figured out that, with my unnatural love of Will Ferrell and have seen the SNL “LOVER/LOVAHHH” sketch, Mrs. Pimp and I were unable to help ourselves from talking like Professor Klarvin and his lover.

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Yes. The picture sucks. Sorry.

As you may have gleaned by the “Land of Love” sign, Cove Haven is, indeed the land of love. It is also the land of unbelievable cheesey décor and how shall we say it? Interesting people.

When we were checking in, we were tempted to ask some of the other people checking in for ID because there was no way that some of them were of legal age to be checking in for a weekend of lovin’. The first place they should apparently be looking after there is an Amber Alert is in the Poconos. It was a little uncomfortable to say the least.

The age range went from uncomfortably young to older than you would think would still be having sex. And from conservative to downright thug- wannabees…

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I couldn’t be sure, but I think I saw a kid wearing the idol from the Hawaii episodes of the Brady Bunch on a giant gold chain. I apparently should give up the BigPimpin moniker, because I’m really not sure what a true thug should be wearing these days.

Anyway, after you got past the cheesiness of the entire experience, it was absolutely awesome. We did all of the cheesy stuff they had to offer, including archery, mini-golf and roller skating. Check out my ninja-pregnant wife kicking it on her wheels.

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It was mega fun, as you can probably tell from this picture….

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Just to back up a little bit about the older people who were there….

We went to the XXX Newlywed Game (not to get on stage, but to watch). There were three younger couples, married at most 4 years, and one older couple, married around 20 years.

The older couple……

I don’t even know how to put this….

Whoah.

Question to the Wife: “If you could do one thing during foreplay, what would it be?”

Wife’s Answer: “We’re being completely honest, right? I’d like him to put his dick in my ass.” (THIS IS AN ACTUAL QUOTE)

She got quite a reaction…. But not like her husband…

Question to husband: “If you could hypnotize your wife to do anything you want, sexually, what would that be?”

Husband’s Answer: Long pause……. “Honest, right?...... I’d like to tie her up and give her an enema.”

Now, I had been cracking off jokes after just about everyone’s answers with startling regularity and making everyone around laugh pretty hard.

To this…. I had nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Wow.

Like I said, when I walked into the place, I thought it would be cheesy and awful for the weekend, but we had probably the best weekend ever together, laughing the entire time.

If you can get away with your Lovah…. I HIGHLY recommend it. Drop some cash in the Poconos.

And anything else you want to drop, too.

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If we don’t completely rule, I don’t know who does.

Have a great weekend, Lovahhs

10:51 a.m. - 2005-12-02

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