bigpimpinmba's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From the skies above Irkutsk

Hello?

Is it me you�re looking for?

Cause I wonder where you are. And I wonder what you do. Let me start by saying�..

I love you.

����

Wow. An update. Who would have thought this could even be possible?

Well, I�m writing to you from somewhere over Russia on the world�s longest flight from Newark to Singapore, an 18 1/2 hour ass numb-er of a flight. What better time to update everyone on the life of the Pimp than when the nearest cities on the map are pretty far from the little airplane on the screen and are named Ulan-Ude and Irkutsk. You know you�re on a long flight when you are saying to yourself that there are only 8 more hours to go.

I just got back from a trip to Milan for a huge pharmaceutical trade show and then had to turn around 48 hours later for this flight. I sure sound glamorous, but I�ll tell you what�. Airplanes, airports, trains and trade shows aren�t really as funificatious as they may sound. Especially with an Obsessive Compulsive throat clearer as a seat-mate. Bonus!!!!

The jokes on him, though. As a sort of retaliation, I have been farting quite frequently and massively since Yakutsk!!!! Thankfully, the good people of Airbus have made a seat which makes it virtually impossible to feel any of my �Good Vibrations�.

A few things strike me every time I go to Europe: Over the past few years, I�ve realized that I am completely unfashionable unless I am in a suit. When I fly and when I�m not in business clothes, I prefer to be as comfortable as I can be, wearing jeans that don�t have the worn-out-in-places or acid washed folds look in them that seem to be all the rage with the kids these days. Walking around Milan, there were 60-year old men spitting in my general direction while looking at my margainally-respectable-5-years-ago jeans. Looking at the stupid Americano with disdain wouldn�t quite cut it as a description. You can pretty much pencil in douche-chills all around when you�re being shown up by Grandpop Sebastian who has to meet his friends later for a good game of bocce.

The one fashion game that is fun to play when you are not in Europe is to look at someone�s sneakers and play the new game that is sweeping the nation: �Straight, Gay, or European.�

Europeans wear completely different sneakers than would be considered acceptable amongst my friends unless we decided to inform all the others that they now enjoy a tremendous amount of pressure being placed upon our respective prostates from behind. When I go to Europe, never do my mostly-white Nike sneakers fail to make me feel like the American tourist. I actually start looking at the Euro-Rectum-recker-8315 sneakers, wishing I could just rent a pair for a week. It feels as if my feet are embarrassed that I enjoy looking at breasts. Oh the shame.

���.

I�ll tell you one thing that makes my happy I�m not gay�. Late-night Italian TV.

Starting somewhere around 11:00 at night something wonderful happens in Italy. What happens restores my faith that the entire world isn�t losing its collective mind and that phrase �THINK OF THE CHILDREN� will ruin everything that an adult could enjoy. Ever since Janet Jackson�s breast had the nerve to not even be seen by 98% of the people who actually watched the Superbowl a few years ago, we�ve lost our mind and we are not allowed to have anything on the airwaves that even resembles adult humor or entertainment. (HOW DID I END UP ON A SOAP BOX?)

I know everyone is waiting with baited breath to find out what is going on in Italy�. Well, at somewhere around 11:00, the local Italian stations start running phone sex ads. I know that this may not seem like a big deal, because we have phone sex ads in the US.

However, in Italy they kind of take it to another level.

A fantastic level.

A level that I could only dream about as a �secretly taping late-night Cinemax as a spunk-filled teen pimp�.

FULL NUDITY!!! ON COMMERCIALS!!!

Boobs.
Vaginas.

It�s the boobs and vaginas that gets me right here (you can take your pick of the places that I my be pointing to).

Now, I really don�t understand showing a phone sex ad that shows almost the whole deal since what�s on the screen pretty much does enough for me. Who needs to be calling a number to talk to someone after you�ve already finished? Maybe the purpose is to thank them for being so naked on TV or for having a Daddy complex and getting back at your parents for giving you good DNA by showing everyone your �goods� on late night TV.

Not that I�m complaining.

Seriously, Skinemax would have never even been a twinkle in a producer�s head if these were the commercials I had in my teenaged years. I mean, there isn�t even a need to have a fast-forward button to get through all of that mundane, Cinemaxi-logue� if we had Italian phone sex ads in the US!!!

Think of all the innovation and inventions that may have never been if we weren�t so uptight about nudity in the United States: Fast-forward buttons, VCRs. DVD Players. The Internet. None of these things could even be a twinkle in the human-races� eye if not for man�s need to view and share pictures and videos of naked chicks with the rest of their friends.

Ciao, beetches!

10:12 a.m. - 2007-10-16

|

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

latest entry

about me

archives

notes

DiaryLand

contact

random entry

other diaries:

BigpimpinMBA
Porktornado
Juddhole
DangerSpouse
purplecigar
Unclebob
rickscafe
rhidundantx2
hairburner
twobaddogs
sassykk
ubergrrl
hooterville
ayred-out
Sturge
goingloopy
gumphood
incredipete
sunshine0221
chickie-legs
sock-girlie
tothefloor
samanthaphi
autumnleigh
warcrygirl
kaybiff
mentalimages
ramblin-bill
saru-san
wombatcity
nogooddaddy
bethany9
poolagirl
discothekid
drbigbeef
yeahimadork
clarity25
awittykitty
bluemeany
thenumber9
hooch21