bigpimpinmba's Diaryland Diary
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A new Superhero
OK. This is becoming a completely recurring theme, but I really suck. Updating is apparently not my thing lately. It�s amazing the way that work and life can get in the way of entertaining a bunch of strangers, isn�t it? Amazingly, it takes a business trip and some uninterrupted time on an airplane to get some writing done�
I do promise that I at least do not plant to ever give up this gig, but I can�t promise much more than that. Just stick with me.
When we last left off, my wife had popped out an abnormally large, 10+ pound baby boy with a shitload of hair and a smile to melt your heart.
After a lot of deliberation, we decided to keep him and not end up on Maury Povich/ Jerry Springer as �The Couple that Abandons Adorable Kids�. Maybe it will pay off, maybe not, but we�ll see how things go, but it is hard to argue with images like this�
It also doesn�t hurt when you have awesome friends that buy your kid clothes like this�
Thanks Trish and Jeff!
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My son, Little Pimp is 4 years old. This comes with a healthy dose of boy stuff, which pretty much rules. My house has become littered with paraphernalia from such awesome shows and movies as Star Wars, Spiderman and the current Little-Pimp favorite, the Superfriends. For some of you lame-asses who are either too young or too much of an ass-hat to remember the mega-awesomeness that were the Superfriends, I�ll refresh your memory�
Think back to a better time, when we would wake up early on a Saturday Morning, bust open a box of your favorite ultra-sugary cereal (Personal favorites: Cap�n Crunch � with or without Crunch Berries or Count Chocula�. Other acceptable substitutes would be Cocoa Pebbles, Cocoa Puffs, Cocoa Krispies, and, in a pinch, Lucky Charms with some serious cherry picking of marshmallows, which would piss my sisters off to no end) and sink into a diabetic coma for the entertainment overload which would ensue.
It is incomprehensible for my son and daughter to think that, when Daddy and Mommy were kids, we pretty much had to wait for one day a week to watch cartoons. Of course we had our daily doses of PBS-sanctioned Sesame Street, Electric Factory, Reading Rainbow (sucked ass, but it was something on TV) and the Magic Garden, but aside from that, we had to wait until Saturday morning for our really good cartoons. No Cartoon Network. No Disney Channel. No Nickelodeon.
As an aside, when I got to college and talked to other people from outside of my area, I was shocked to find out that the Magic Garden was pretty much a New York-only phenomenon. Here�s a general overview of the Magic Garden: Two hippie chicks would apparently smoke a lot of pot and would put on a children�s show, pretty much on a whim. I don�t think there was any planning beyond the inevitable �Who�s bringing the Peanut Butter for the after-pot munchies?� conversation. I mean, doesn�t this show pretty much seem to have universal appeal? Who wouldn�t watch this if it wasn�t on now? Now, I guess we have the Teletubbies, which I personally feel is more of an acid experience than a pot experience.
As an aside to the aside, who didn�t just love Nickelodeon when it came to your area? Did anyone not love �You Can�t Do That On Television�?
Anyway, I apparently haven�t had my ADD medication for this flight. Getting back to my rambling point. (Stewardess, bring me another straight Vodka, please?) My son is mega-into the Superfriends. The Superfriends is basically a gathering of some really first-rate superheroes like Superman, Batman and Robin (although Robin was definitely a Kato Kailin hanger-on with minimal pants) and Wonder Woman. Then you get into the B-List and then a sharp drop off to the D-List celebrities of Superhero-dom.
B-List
The Flash
Green Lantern
D-List
Hawkman
Some Indian Dude who can get really big.
Then, there is the Legion of Doom with only a few remotely cool bad guys� Lex Luthor. That�s about it. The rest are a bunch of cheap knock offs of the already B and D list good-guys in the League of Justice.
I gotta tell you. These guys were a hell of a lot more impressive when I was strung out on Cocoa Puffs and running around in feety pajamas back in the day.
I have noticed one thing, though. Superhero chicks are pretty freaking hot. I�m thinking that the geeks that are drawing the comics are more than a little horny and desperate to touch a boobie and are overcompensating through their animation.
Please tell me that you think that Spiderman�s Amazing Friend, Firestar, isn�t a piece of fiery ass�
And now for a look at a more modern Superhero chick�
Black Widow from the New Avengers
Ummmmmm�.. Can you say BOING-OING-OING-OING-OING????
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My son makes up all sorts of superheroes that he would be. He is awesome.
I�ll tell you what Superhero I would be if I would be if I was running around with all of these fly honeys around.
I would be ERECT-RO.
I would be a complete embarrassment walking around with my spandex/lycra bodysuit and a raging erection that would put Ron Burgandy�s boner scene to shame. All the other Superheroes would inevitably be looking around and trying to avoid looking down whenever I showed up with my super-suit that reveals every vein in my �muscles�.
But they would need to keep me around because of the amazing power I would have to shoot a sticky substance at my enemies and glue them to the spot that they are standing in. My weakness would be that I would get sore and glow a bluish color if I did not use my powers on a semi-regular basis or if I anticipated using my powers and was did not shoot my sticky glue at my enemies.
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Business Travel Aside�.
I am so glad that whatever they make airplane seats out of does such a good job of absorbing the sound (and most of the smell) of my farts. I have been letting loose like the campfire scene in Blazing Saddles during this flight. Dear Sweet Moses, what is it about being on a plane that makes my bowels feel like someone stuck a can of compressed air up my ass as if cleaning off your work keyboard?
I am a suave and de-boner mutha. I think I may have misspelled something in that last sentence, but you get the point.
You bunch of picky shits.
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Speaking of powers of my crotch, I�ve noticed something strange.
I�m pretty much a straight boxer man when it comes to undergarments, or when my thongs are all dirty, whichever is the case.
Anyway, every so often, it is time to replace some of my boxers because they are getting a bit thin and maybe even have an actual hole in them.
Well, cutting to the chase� the hole is always in the same spot. Specifically, said hole is always on the left leg, right next to my where the BigPimpinSack rests. It�s really a bit disconcerting that my balls are generating enough heat to burn a hole in my boxers.
And you thought I was kidding about the kind of Superhero I would be...
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Until the next time�.. As everyone's favorite Swedish superstars would say.... Loving you Loving me�..
11:55 p.m. - 2006-05-20
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